There are two things about Stephen Leacock a Canadian economist, writer and humorist. [1] he has a sense of humor and [2] he has played golf with the same guy [Jones] that you and I have. Leacock chronicles his golfing experiences in a piece titled “Mathematics for Golfers.” Here are some excepts.
“It is only quite recently that I have taken up golf. In fact, I have played for only three or four years, and seldom more than ten games in a week, or at most four in a day. I have had a proper golf vest for only two years. I bought a "spoon" only this year, and I am not going to get Scottish socks till next year.
In short, I am still a beginner…
Now an ordinary player… wonders whether it will ever be his fate to do all the nine holes of the course in bogey [par]. .. The thing is a simple instance of what is called the mathematical theory of probability… a players… chance of making any one particular hole in par, is one in nine… When he makes it, his chance of doing the same with the next hole is [for ease of calculation] one in ten; therefore, taken from the start, his chance of making the two holes successively in par is one tenth of a tenth chance. In other words, it is one in a hundred.
The reader sees already how encouraging the calculation is. Here is at last something definite about his progress… His chance of making three holes in par, one after the other will be one in 1,000, his chance of four, one in 10,000, and his chance of making the whole round in par will be exactly one in 1,000,000,000--that is, one in a billion games. In other words, all he has to do is to keep right on. But how long will it take to play a billion, playing the ordinary number of games in a month,? Will it take several years? Yes, it will.
… Reckoning four games to the week, and allowing for leap years and solar eclipses, it comes to about once in 2,930,000 years. And from watching Jones play I think that this is about right.
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Stephen Leacock concludes his essay on golf with a description of his playing partner Amphibious Jones:
“I take the case of Amphibius Jones. There are certain days when he is, as he admits himself, "put off his game" by not having on his proper golf vest. On other days the light puts him off his game; at other times the dark; so, to, the heat, or again the cold. He is often put off his game because he has been up late the night before; or similarly because he has been to bed too early the night before; the barking of a dog always puts him off his game; so do children, or adults, or women. Bad news disturbs his game; so does good; so also does the absence of news… All of this may be expressed mathematically by a very simple application of the theory of permutations and probability..”
However there is no need for the Leacock formula -- I showed a friend this essay and jokingly asked him if he “knew Jones?” Know Jones”, he said “I am Jones.” All golfers have a little bit of Jones in them.
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"Trying to go back to that would be a huge mistake"
Shawn Foley on the idea of Tiger going back to the Tiger-2000 Butch Harmon swing-type that led the tour in almost every category.
Hey after his association with Tiger, Hank Haney now charges $25,000 for a playing lesson which ranks him right up there on Americas Most Over-paid list just ahead of the Pentagons $435 hammer and Oprah’s billion dollar’s worth of stealth-talent. $25,000? I can hear the contractor now: “Gentlemen if Hank Haney can get $25,000 for a playing lesson, we can get $400 for our hammer.”
But wait on here – Haney taught the best player in the world for six years so he must be worth it, right? Here is Shawn Foley again on Woods's form under Hank Haney's watch "Let’s be honest about this, it’s not like he was flushing it with Hank." Foley is just a youngster who hasn’t been in the limelight enough to handle the press questions– he needs to copy Tigers style where he talks but says practically nothing. Rule number one is never start a sentence with "Let's be honest about this."
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GIS: As in “he led in greens in speculation”
A derogatory play on words [Greens in Regulation] used to describe a golfer who exaggerates his golfing prowess.
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Miller is on the Case
One of the reasons why Johnny Miller is such a good announcer is that he's not afraid to tell it like it is. With Paul Casey leading the BMW Championship by three shots, the other announcers were bemoaning the fact that Paul Casey was not chosen as a captain's pick for the European Ryder Cup team. Miller went against the flow: “There is a reason why he has only won 1 time in the US
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Who is the most dis-liked athlete?
That’s easy -- according to the Q “likeability” [or dislikeability] measurement rating system it’s Mike Vick, who served time in prison after he was caught torturing and killing helpless dogs. But in a somewhat surprising # 2 ranking is Tiger Woods who even though he had some personal problems, never broke the law and left millionaires in his wake. To name a few -- his caddies, Fluff, and Steve Williams, his manager, his lawyers, Nike and his ex-wife who is reported to have received $100 million to $500 million after their six year marriage ended.
But with tabloids screaming ‘bad Tiger’ for months it easy to forget all the good he has done via his foundation for kids. Since its inception in 1996 by Tiger and his father, Earl, the Tiger Woods Foundation “has reached millions of young people by delivering unique experiences and innovative educational opportunities for youth worldwide.”
I think we [the golf world] lost more than we realized when Earl Woods passed away.
The Takeaway: I wouldn’t be surprised if Tiger loses his number one world ranking in golf but I’d be really surprised if ever again he was Q rated anywhere close to Michael Vick.
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